i feel like people need to know about the absolute decadence of that one weird tesco express in bournemouth
what the fuck is actually going on
yeah im at the catholic guilt tesco express do you want anything?
Its me qtip don’t listen to them boy put me in your ear
hey, can we talk for a second? it’s about your girlfriend. yeah, she’s great. no, yeah, I agree. It’s just that… she seems really devoted to you? Like really devoted. Almost as if you were the sole, fragile line mooring her to the shores of humanity. No, that’s not romant—ugh. Listen. Me and the girls, we’re worried you might be the last good thing to happen to her and that were some tragedy to inevitably befall you, she would tear the gods from their thrones and dye the infinite western seas wine-dark with their ichor. Do you think you could introduce her to a new hobby or something? we don’t want to have to argue over what color “wine-dark” is supposed to be
It’s Suck Her Dick Sunday, reblog to make me nut in your mouth
every time a boy cries somewhere a girl gets hard
if you had asked me as a child what colour the sky was, i would have confidently said blue and yellow. because i grew up on the baltic coast next to one of the most travelled ship routes of the world, and the unfiltered sulfur pouring out of the exhausts of nearly a hundred cargo ships every day turned into a thick layer of sickly yellow laying over the horizon. especially on sunny summer days, it settled of the sea like the cheap imitation of a sunset, out of place during the bright daylight.
then, from one summer to the next, the yellow slowly but surely faded away. because a new legislation passed - one which heavily penalised airborne ship emissions in the area. and while the silhouettes of ships across the passage never became less frequent, their backdrop was now such a pure blue that its hard to imagine that it was ever different.
i think about this everytime someone tells me that climate legislation doesn’t work, everytime a new media story declaring our helplessness in the face of certain environmental doom makes the rounds. don’t get me wrong - the situation we are facing in terms of climate change and environmental destruction is certainly terrifying. but everyday, people are working tirelessly to implement law and policy that could change that fact. and because of those people, a newly bright blue sky touches down over the baltic sea. and that has to count for something, i think.
As a lesbian, it’s happened twice already that one “guy” stands out to me and I think “huh maybe they’re kinda cute and interesting, I wanna get to know them” and then I get to know them better and it’s a closeted trans girl who I somehow sniffed with my little nonbinary lesbian nose
IT JUST HAPPENED FOR A THIRD TIME!!!!
You guys will never believe what just happened to me
What does it mean if every “man” I’ve been attracted to was actually a trans woman? Idk what this says about my sexual orientation but it does mean I have astounding egg-dar
Gays being able to detect trans people of our preferred gender and being able to feel preemptive attraction to them is a phenomenon I was not aware extended to people beyond me
queer is such a good word. im queer as in fuck you. queer as in odd. queer as in fucked-in-the-head. queer as in i hope you choke on it. queer as in a slur i laugh at. queer as in not like you. queer as in none of your business. queer as in a line in the fucking dirt. queer as in we’re here. get used to it. queer as in this is who i am and what i am. queer as in im different and i dont fucking care. queer as in with or without you i exist and ill keep doing it. queer as in queer
edit: because people keep deleting my addition, ill say it here. this post is inherently anti “q slur”. queer as in spiteful doesnt leave room for queerphobic fuckery
Ben and Jerry’s is dangerous ice cream… capitalizes on the evolutionary human instinct to dig for chunks… before you know it half the pint gone
the children yearn for the mines
I didn’t realise this until adulthood but handmade birthday piñatas are the apex of parental devotion. I spent the week cooking for my ravenous teenage cousins and felt a bit crestfallen at times that I was spending so long making something that was going to disappear within minutes—but with piñatas it’s so much worse, they exist to be savagely maimed. Year after year my father asked his kids what shape they wanted this year’s piñatas to be and he spent weeks painstakingly making them in the basement after work, only to watch a bunch of oversugared bat-wielding kids gleefully destroy them in less than 10 minutes.
I mentioned this to him and he said he remembered researching tarantula anatomy for the giant spider piñata I asked for when I was 4, trying to make the fangs the right shape and to cut the crepe paper into very thin ribbons so the thing would look appropriately fuzzy, and I was like “and I don’t even remember it because I was four!! spending so long building a beautiful object only so your kids will have fun destroying it, knowing they won’t even remember it, is such a selfless endeavour” and he said “my other motivation was that you said you wanted the spider to look real & scary so the kids at your birthday party would be terrified of it and you’d get to scoop up all the candy and I wanted to support your slyness & ambition”
whyamionlyabletouse32characters:
whyamionlyabletouse32characters:
HEHEHEHHEHEHE okay okay okay i have something really really funny to say let me figure out how to translate it to tumblr.
ms paint. okay hold on
JESUS 69!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHAHAHHA
[id: first image is a crude drawing of a cross labeled “cross”. second image is a crude drawing of a cross labeled “inverted cross”. last image has both the cross and inverted cross next to each other and is labeled “JESUS 69”. end id.]
peter wanted to be crucified upside down for this reason and this reason alone
thank you SO so much for this addition i am in love with you









